Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
