I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
