drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
