omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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