so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she peed on how many people?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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