Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
