So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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