Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
