We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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