So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
