So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
