You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
