so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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