If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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