Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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