do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I lost the right to judge tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
