Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize