I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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