Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
