apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
