What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
