Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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