i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize