Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
