Already got asked if we're dating
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
