Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
