Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She bit a glass in half.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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