Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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