Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
