As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
