you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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