am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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