I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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