I want to make a zoo with you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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