turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
