"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
there's paper in my vomit.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
