Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize