it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
