so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You ruined the universe
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
