I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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