At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
