She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
