last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pants are for mortals
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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