At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
