when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize