That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
