Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
