Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
