the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
