I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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