6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
