3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how can u be prego again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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