My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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