Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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