Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
