Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
