I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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