I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
being pregnant is like rehab
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
