Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
