coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's paint friendship bongs
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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