Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
