I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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