At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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