it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
