you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
