I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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