thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
did you just send me my own nude
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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