Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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