my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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