Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
